i hate some things about Cambridge.

when i lived in Paden City, i went on a walk every single day. i walked in the rain or snow, and i walked wherever i felt like walking. i would listen to my ipod and just forget about the day. most of the time, i would stop down at the docks by the river and just watch the water move. i took pictures of nature and watched the sun set over the river. i would usually walk for about 2 hours.

in Cambridge... it isn't safe to walk by myself... i have a feeling that i'm going to do it anyway because i hate feeling like i'm stuck in a cage and helpless. 

me

i love coffee

i love the sound of water running over pebbles.

i love watching snow... like glitter that melts...

i love rainstorms that make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up

i love hugs

i love having my hand held

i love music with passion behind it

i love to sing my heart out

i love theater

i love to take walks by myself

i love taking pictures of nature

i love animals... especially the cuddly ones

i love saint bernards  

i love to be by myself... but i hate to be alone

i love green

i love watching old disney movies

i love watching shirley temple or jerry lewis movies

i get sick very easily ever since i had mono

my favorite time of day is when the sun is setting

every single day... i look at my past and think of what went wrong so that i don't make the same mistakes

i try to be completely non-judgmental 

i love to spin in chairs

i love beef jerkey and green tea

Last night... as the wind was shaking my windows and keeping me up... i thought about my life

so much has changed.

i never see the people i used to.

it's like i'm living a completely different life.

sometimes i expect to wake up and everything will be as it used to be. i'll be living in paden city... with my old friends. i'll be taking daily walks by the river just thinking about how amazing God is. i'll have friends in all my classes in school, and i'll be someone who's known for being a good person and someone who's creative. 

my life has completely changed. 

every moment seems like a dream. some weird dream that doesn't seem like reality. 

it isn't a bad dream... my reality now is just so drastically different.... it's hard to believe i'm actually living the life i'm living.

so....
to anyone who doesn't know. i'm extremely happy with my life at the moment. (that could be partially due to the fact that i don't have to go to school for 2 weeks)

but i think it's mostly due to the fact that a lot of things are going well in my life. i'm almost halfway done with my senior year, i have a lot of friends (at church) and i have the most amazing boyfriend ever :)

every morning when i wake up... (which is a difficult thing for me to do)

i try to stop and think of every thing that has blessed my life in the past few months

so many wonderful people have entered my life and made me happer than i have been i quite some time.

I can't express my gratitude for my wonderful friends (especially Nick)

life is hard.

decisions are never easy.

school is incredibly frustrating sometimes (since i've been sick)

but the incredible people in my life make it so much easier.

today i was thinking about winter... and how so many people complain about the cold and ice, but i can't help but love everything about it.

especially snow...

this past Saturday it snowed all day, and i just sat at the window and stared...
when it snows... i get this feeling that i have somehow become enclosed in a giant snow globe that has magically come to life.

somehow... snow reminds me of how small i am compared to the rest of the world... and on Saturday... i couldn't have been more overjoyed to be reminded of my own insignificance.

when life hands you lemons....

make orange juice.

and people will wonder how on earth you did it.

My inquisitive mind

have you ever wondered how other people think?

have you ever actually tried to find the end of a rainbow?

do you feel sorry for fish that get caught? even if they aren't killed?

what exactly IS styrofoam?

why does snow taste so much better that rain?

what is it about glitter that fascinates people?

these are just some of the many questions that randomly pop into my head... and i actually take time to ponder these stupid questions that have seemingly no meaning...

the way that people view the world is fascinating to me... i think that's a major part in my love of reading. I get to look at the world from another persons perspective...

The Music Inside Me

I went to see Sweeney Todd last night... and I realized something.
I want..... no... I NEED to sing. And I need to act.

Why would God put this kind of passion in my soul if this isn't what I need to do? It physically hurts me not to perform.

This is how i express myself.

And I wouldn't give it up for the world.

"God's holy word
I will make it a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path
It's word may i hide in my heart... that i might not sin against God"

Take my hands lord; take my feet. Take my words lord; take my life song. Shape me to what you would have me be to glorify your kingdom.

Richard O.o

sometimes it's good to have fun and be crazy, but other times we need to stop and experience the beauty that God has put before us.

how many times can i break till i shatter?

I made one of my very best friends in the whole world very upset, and now i'm all depressed.



You know who u are... I'm really sorry

:(

Chuck is back

do not be fooled by his cute and cuddley apperance. He is my guard squirrel. And he is quite vicious.

Have You Ever

Have you ever looked at me and seen a sparkle in my eye?
Have you ever noticed I laugh much more than I cry?
Have you ever wondered why I smile so much?
Have you ever contemplated my gentle touch?
Have you ever thought about why all of this is true?
I'll tell you why my dear...

It's all because of you

i don't want to be the girl you loved....
and then was forgotten

Pressing down on me

Every now and then i get this sinking feeling in my heart that i don't belong. I have friends here, and i love them. I talk to people in school (more than i thought i would) but i know that i'm a mis-fit.

I may get along ok at school... but i am not one of them. i don't mean to alienate myself, but it's true. People like to tell me that if i try hard enough that i will feel like i belong here. I'm sorry to tell them that they're wrong. Even if i have friends... this is not MY class of 2009.

I don't say this to make any one of my friends here feel bad... like they aren't accepting me enough. Because my friends here are amazing. I just needed to get all of this loneliness that seems to be pressing down on me lately off my chest.

remnants of a broken heart

The patchwork of torn and broken pieces can be more beautiful than the original...
If you find someone to sew to the pieces back together

Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one?

~ Proverbs 20:6 (the message)

i'm not the best judge of my own character, but i strive to be a loving and loyal person. i wish that in everything i do, God's love can be seen in me.

I've been thinking a lot lately. (it's my curse) i've been thinking about my future, and what God's plan is for my life. and this is what i figured out...

i have no clue what to do.

i don't know what i'm supposed to do with my life, where i'm supposed to go to college.... i wish i could stay in highschool just so i don't have to think about it.

i visited Trevecca... in Nashville Tennessee... and i really liked it. but i just don't know if i could go 8 hours away from my family and friends...

i was thinking and i wrote this:

THE CHOICE

walking in circles
where do i go?
my heart pulls me one way
but my mind says "no"

in the maze of my mind
i'm becoming steadily lost
the only way is to push through
but at what cost?

who will i lose in this fight?
them?
or myself?
i hold onto you in spite of everything else

i'm straining myself to hear
where did you go?
are you speaking to me?
will you help me to know?

all i want is to do your will
but if i can't hear your voice...
i don't know what to do
in making this choice.

Chuck :)

This is Chuck.

He's a model.

twists and turns

who would've thought?
i'm happy.

i still don't feel like i'm home, but i'm not being so pessimistic about life. i don't hate living here. don't get me wrong. i miss all my friends like crazy, but i'm viewing this as an opportunity to make new friends.

i only hope that i won't lose my old friends.

if any of you guys are reading this... i luuurrrve you all.
don't forget me

for cereal

i'm really getting tired of guys who don't even know me making really rude comments. since when do girls take those kind of things as compliments? it's disgusting.

what happened to respect?

i think it died.

jesus and life jackets

so...

today i was at vbs... watchin little children.

(i'm in charge of the kindergardeners through 2nd grade)

today the lesson was about how jesus and peter walked on water

the conversation went like this:

teacher: why did peter start to sink? what didn't he have?

(correct answer: faith)

kid named logan's answer: a life jacket

we all laughed a little and told him the answer was faith, but it got me thinking...

a lot of people try to find life jackets when they're sinking. they grab onto anything they can to save themselves. it's hard to remember in a storm that we don't need lifejackets. we may be scared to death as the waves toss around us, but all we have to do is keep our eyes on jesus.

refocus

i was thinking about how horrible it seems to be alone, and how wonderful it is to know God is there. there used to be a time when i was alone and it didn't bother me. it just seemed normal to me, but now that i know what it feels like to have someone who understands me and i've lost it... sometimes it seems unbearable. maybe that's why i try to hold on so tightly, even though i know holding too tight just pushes people away. i need to refocus on the fact that God is there. that i'm not alone.

i need to focus on my friends who don't want to see my pain anymore. i'm a fairly happy person most of the time, but there always seems to be that one little voice in my head that constantly reminds me of rejection. i can't be consumed by that one voice anymore. i don't pretend to be over it, but i need to learn to focus on other things.

each day is a blessing, and i don't want to waste what time i have on things i can't change. life's too short.

so then i was thrown on a roller coaster...

hey there people.

i've been thinkin lately about what's been happening in my life. i can't help but wonder what my future holds. everything is so uncertain right now.  i have no idea what the next year of my life will bring. i'm hoping to attain new friends at my new school, and i plan on getting involved as much as possible. the problem is... 

i'm scared out of my mind.

everything seems to be happening so fast. i don't know how to keep up with the emotional roller coaster of my life.  plus i'm a senior in high school... which means thinking about my future. i can't even begin to imagine my future, when i have no clue what's going on right now.

i'm staying fairly positive about the whole situation. i'm optimistic about my senior year. it's just really overwhelming to think that i'll make new friends and then have to start all over again in just a year.

i love the people i've met so far...which is mostly drama kids :) 

but i'm extremely nervous about the others.

i absolutely hate it when people don't like me... 

just me

sup?
I'm Lynea

O.o